All behavior leads somewhere.  When you help    ';
@5 see where the behavior is leading,           ';
you help @1 find out both how behavior goes     ';
right and how it goes wrong.                    ';
                                                ';
Knowing this, @5 is in a better position        ';
to know what self-control demands and how to    ';
exercise the self-control needed to make things ';
go right.  Behavior and self-discipline do not  ';
occur in a vacuum or as an internal event.      ';
Those around @5 can help encourage this         ';
controlled expression by the respect they show  ';
@1 when the control is demonstrated.            ';
                                                ';
You can make this possible by helping @5        ':
to recognize and to look for the signs of that  ';
respect.                                        ';
                                                ';
Playing it safe does not help @1 acquire        ';
greater amounts of self-control.                ';
The key to this growth is for the child to      ';
assume risks that are realistic.  Often more    ';
can be learned from an unsuccessful venture than';
from a successful one.  Help @5 to              ';
realize that the only real failure is the fail- ';
ure to learn from experience. You can do this by';
shifting the focus from the ends to the process.';
                                                ';
Working with others is a good way to develop    ';
self-discipline.                                ';
You can count on others to provide a constantly ';
shifting set of circumstances.  Working with    ';
others demands that control be developed to     ';
shift behavior when those around @1 shift       ';
their behavior.  Putting @5 in a posi-          ';
tion to have to work with others in order to get';
what they want encourages that control.         ';
                                                ';
We learn to control our actions in order to make';
sure that things come out the way we want them. ';
However, others may want us to do things        ';
differently.  They may want things to come out  ';
their way.  To learn to understand this and to  ';
acquire the self-control necessary to do it     ';
their way when appropriate, @5 must learn       ';
to appreciate another's point of view.          ';
                                                ';
This can be encouraged by asking @5             ';
how @3 thinks others feel about what @3 did.    ';
                                                ';
In many social situations there is behavior     ';
that is acceptable and behavior that is not     ';
acceptable.  Learning what is expected and how  ';
to do it gives @5 access to the control         ';
necessary to do the acceptable thing when it is ';
called for and appropriate.                     ';
The best way to show @1 this is through your    ';
example.  Show @5 the acceptable behav-         ';
ior and when it is done to promote social self- ';
control.                                        ';
Self-control is gained from dealing with        ';
others appropriately when they do not do the    ';
"right thing" or the thing we would like them   ';
to do.                                          ';
                                                ';
Learning to tolerate the misbehavior of others  ';
without it determining our own behavior is a    ';
valuable way to learn the distinction between   ';
ourselves and others, as well as to learn the   ';
self-control to behave independently of others. ';
Mastery means that what we do is predictable    ';
and the outcome assured.                        ';
                                                ';
This comes from knowing how to do something and ';
having the chance elements eliminated or        ';
accounted for.                                  ';
                                                ';
Adults can help a child acquire mastery by      ';
telling or showing a child how to do something  ';
and by working to keep things on track.         ';
We can better control our behavior when we know ';
clearly and explicitly what is expected of us at';
any point in time.  If we want to please, we    ';
have a reason to try to meet these expectations.';
                                                ';
Clarity guides our actions and enables us to    ';
acquire the fine tuning necessary to keep things';
on track.  Uncertainty leads to anxiety and a   ';
loss of control and motivation.                 ';
                                                ';
                                                ';
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